Friday, November 30, 2012

All triathletes are awesome, all roadies suck.

I was recently asked by a Strava-friend if I wanted to go on a group ride. 'Of course!' I said, after looking to see how many of my KOM's he and his friends had stolen, and if they were going to slow me down.

Later, I talked to my wife about it. I explained to her: If we go ride, and I destroy them, then they suck and I will never ride with them again. If we ride and they destroy me, then they are awesome, and I will ride with them every chance I get until I can destroy them at which point they will suck and I will never ride with them again. She laughed at my silly logic.

So what's with all the sucking? In the Tri world, everyone is awesome. The pro that completes an IM in 8 hours, just the same as the fat guy at work who just signed up for his first super-sprint. They're all awesome! Sure, the fat guy's going to back-scull the swim (been there, done that), leisurely ride his hybrid with nobbie tires on the bike, and walk the run. Regardless, he's still awesome and will forever carry the coveted title 'TRIATHLETE'. In fact, the pro might even be at the finish line to congratulate the slow guy for his awesome finish.

In biking, everyone sucks. Mostly, I suck. So everyone slower than me naturally sucks more. Everyone faster than me is awesome and I want to be as fast (faster) than them. When (if) I get as fast or faster than them, they will suck. In a bike race, the winner isn't going around congratulating the losers for their awesome finish. If they are shaking hands, they are saying 'You suck more than me'. Usually it's the other way - the losers are shaking the winner's hand, telling them 'You suck less than me.'

On your next group ride, go tell a triathlete that they are awesome. They will smile and agree, then probably tell you that YOU are ALSO awesome. Then go up to the roadie who just took the final sprint and tell him he's awesome. I'll be they say something along the lines of 'No, I suck. I just suck less than you.' You'll be able to read it in their eyes while they are panting to catch their breath.

I'm looking forward to the ride with my Strava friends. I'm looking forward to a good, spirited ride. And by that, I mean crushing them on the hills to show them that I suck less than they do.

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